i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
