don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
