He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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