3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well you can't waste a boner
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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