i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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