My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
