so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We're too hungover to prance.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
