If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
