She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
