You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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