my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
pray to the hookup gods
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
