I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
