I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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