I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize