I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
