I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
