I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize