so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
