i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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