tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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