I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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