I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
