Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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