Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
