My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
