remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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