We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
