Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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