hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
