why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
