The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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