last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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