He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
