capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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