Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
