Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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