I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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