I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
