turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
