Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
