What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
