I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
