Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize