Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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