I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
