My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
