You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
