somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
