i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
