there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
