my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
