my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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