I'm passing your future prison.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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