i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
