What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
