the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
