i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
