evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
