yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
