Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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