If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
